So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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