My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
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He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
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He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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