I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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