standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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