i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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