It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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