I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize