STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
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we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
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Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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