OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize