remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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