SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
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