tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
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When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
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If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
third nipple confirmed
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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