i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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