went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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