I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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