i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
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Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
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All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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