Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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