Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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