I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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