So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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