I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I've blown a few things in my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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