In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize