tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
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