I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize