ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize