Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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