No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize