just come out here and I will go home with you...
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
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I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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