My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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