I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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