Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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