Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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