Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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