Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
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In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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