his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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