Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
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i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
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I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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