i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
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His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
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I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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