I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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