I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a blender
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize