U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
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How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
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I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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