Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just threw up on my dentist
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
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