Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  I pooped in a mop bucket.

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  WTF???

  (512): View more from Texas

  Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that

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  (512): I pooped in a mop bucket. (1-512): WTF??? (512): Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that http://tfl.nu/ww1k
  Replies (12) Good night (979) Bad night (493)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.

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  (215): Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win. http://tfl.nu/ky57
  Replies (18) Good night (3926) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.

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  (503): New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter. http://tfl.nu/mtsq
  Replies (9) Good night (2742) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?

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  (314): his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride? http://tfl.nu/qrch
  Replies (118) Good night (886) Bad night (8314)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.

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  (604): I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was. http://tfl.nu/96eh
  Replies (21) Good night (652) Bad night (6035) Order T-Shirt
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  (718): View more from New York

  One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"

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  (718): One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk" http://tfl.nu/wyyx
  Replies (27) Good night (1834) Bad night (3949) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.

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  (440): But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex. http://tfl.nu/ebom
  Replies (10) Good night (4400) Bad night (1127) Order T-Shirt
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?

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  (574): all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him? http://tfl.nu/x011
  Replies (8) Good night (755) Bad night (3527) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...

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  (240): I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette... http://tfl.nu/tjl0
  Replies (17) Good night (849) Bad night (4664) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.

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  (818): Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right. http://tfl.nu/8nul
  Replies (37) Good night (5915) Bad night (1337) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."

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  (914): I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock." http://tfl.nu/14j8
  Replies (2) Good night (1226) Bad night (2591) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.

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  (512): I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now. http://tfl.nu/d3l4
  Replies (5) Good night (2991) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago

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  (262): Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago http://tfl.nu/39ul
  Replies (3) Good night (1761) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.

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  (207): It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective. http://tfl.nu/0c9h
  Replies (6) Good night (1778) Bad night (358) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count

  (516): View more from New York

  then nothing in my life counts

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  (860): official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count (516): then nothing in my life counts http://tfl.nu/4fe8
  Replies (8) Good night (1665) Bad night (332)

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