used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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