I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
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if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
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Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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