Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize