no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize