So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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