his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
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On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
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Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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