I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize