I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize